


Suitcase (I Remember Loving You)

by chasingthenight



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-20 17:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15539115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingthenight/pseuds/chasingthenight
Summary: He’s sorry for loving him so deeply and breaking his heart; he’s sorry that Hoseok will never get used to sleeping in his own bed, alone; he’s sorry that rainy days will leave the bitter taste of longing on his tongue. He's is sorry for pretending for so long after falling out of love.





	Suitcase (I Remember Loving You)

The conversation at the breakfast table that morning is quiet, the two young men sitting across from one another speaking with muted sighs and stolen glances of one another. It’s not unusual for them to sit in silence as they enjoy their coffee and each other’s company over a bowl of cereal or plate of eggs. The air this morning, however, is different; the tension and anxiety suffocate the sentiment of the moment-- and there’s a distinct absence of food.

Kihyun, naturally small, looks even tinier with his head hung between his shoulders, staring into the blackened depths of the mug on the table in front of him. His fingers tap the ceramic, an absent-minded distraction to keep him from looking up again. The knots in his stomach make him nauseous and, oh, how he wishes they could be the butterflies he felt three years ago when he first sat in this chair, hungover, half dressed, and falling in love.

Across the table, Hoseok sits much the same, shoulders tense, broad hands wrapped snug around his still-full, now-cold cup of coffee. His gaze, though, is focused on the boy in front of him, a desperate longing in his expression as he begs with his eyes for Kihyun to glance up again. But minutes pass by, the quiet settling heavier and heavier on their shoulders and Kihyun doesn’t move save for the way his fingers tap against his own mug. It’s frustrating, having everything to say and someone who looks like they don’t want to hear a word.

Most of Kihyun’s time at the table is spent in his own head, overthinking, trying to convince himself that he’s not the bad person he feels like he is. It’s not your fault. His parents, his friends-- hell, even Hoseok-- had tried to convince him of this, but he can’t stop blaming himself. His emotions build and build until there are tears in his eyes and just when he thinks he won’t be able to hold it in any longer, there’s a familiar warmth along the back of his hand. He curls his fingers tighter around his cup, tense and unable to look up.

“Are you sure we can’t work this out?”

Hoseok’s usual honey-and-silk voice is like nails on a chalkboard as it cuts through the quiet. Kihyun’s shoulders tense and he tucks his chin closer to his chest. He can’t hold it in any longer, but he won’t allow himself to cry in front of Hoseok, not when he knows he doesn’t have the right to. So he swallows what he can and when Kihyun lifts his head, he looks past Hoseok and to the suitcases he can see sitting by the front door.

It’s not much, but it’s enough to remind him that this is it. He’d moved everything else into his parent's house yesterday while Hoseok was at work and decided to stay one more night to make sure he didn’t forget anything and to give Hoseok the proper goodbye he deserves. Three years is too long for Kihyun to leave without at least saying goodbye.

After some time, Kihyun shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Hoseok.”

He’s sorry for loving him so deeply and breaking his heart; he’s sorry that Hoseok will never get used to sleeping in his own bed, alone; he’s sorry that rainy days will leave the bitter taste of longing on his tongue. Kihyun is sorry for pretending for so long after falling out of love.

When Kihyun stands sometime later, he leaves behind a full cup of cold coffee and a broken-hearted boy. He slides his chair in and hesitates for a moment-- there are words on the tip of his tongue, a string of apologies and excuses that he can’t bring himself to say. Instead, he leans over the edge of the table and places a gentle kiss to the top of Hoseok’s head.

There’s nothing there, not that he expects there to be. The spark is gone, the butterflies long since flew away, the love nothing more than fading fondness. It’s merely a goodbye, one last memory for the both of them, meant to sweeten such a bitter moment-- but it does nothing but leave their hearts a little more broken.

Kihyun pulls away and he can see the tears streaking down Hoseok’s cheeks and dripping from his chin where they splatter across the table top. Kihyun could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Hoseok cry in their time together, but never tears like this. He bites his tongue, breath caught in his throat, and turns away.

From the time Kihyun leaves the table, to gathering up his things at the door, to the moment he hears the click of the door behind him, he doesn’t look back. He leaves his heart in pieces alongside his footsteps, the remains of three years of memories packed into the suitcase he drags behind him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I'm back! I can't believe it's been so long, but I'm writing again so I'll [hopefully] post more works more often! Sorry for the minimal tags (and possibly broken hearts); I didn't want to give any spoilers. Plus it's like super short. I hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! Comments are a writer’s/author’s best friends! Find me on Twitter @kyunkyunnie!


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